Single in the New Year: How Women Can Embrace It




Everyone knows someone who is single that does not want to be. Lots of women hope to find someone who will sweep them off their feet, but the reality is that is not often the case.

Many people wonder what goes on with single women behind the closed doors, because the perception is that singles lonely and troubled, and suffer from sleeplessness and the fear of dying alone. Although this scenario may be true for some women, a large number of single women are happy. In fact, the single lifestyle appeals to more and more women today. And many women who choose to be single do so to declare their independence.

The question for single women is often not when will I get married but will I EVER get married.

From 1996 to 2006, I decided to live the single lifestyle. Being single was not something that I felt was in the cards for me, because I had always believed that I would someday be married. However, as the years progressed so did my age, and it seemed apparent to me that I needed to embrace the whole idea of being single.

Based on my decade of experience, I thought I’d share a few experiences and thoughts that I think can help others living the single lifestyle.

One experience I had while single happened in 1997, when I encountered my first real problem with being alone. My best friend, who was my roommate for eight years, suddenly decided to move out on her own. About a year later, I found myself mourning the loss of my best friend. After she moved out, even the mundane details of my life were different. For example, I had no one to talk to, to laugh with until I cried, and to share my special secrets.

I finally began to accept that I did not possess anyone, nor did anyone possess me. I went home that night and cried, then prayed that the feelings of being alone would go away. Unfortunately, nothing I did helped me to cope with the feelings of being alone. As time went by, the emotional state became worse. I hid my feelings of loneliness for a long time with a smile, but I started leaking like a cracked vase. I could tell that being alone was affecting me because of the way I started responding to people in a sharp and short manner. I couldn’t find a method that would work to fill my aching soul until two years later.

In 1999, I started spending time alone talking with God and blaming him for my situation. In fact, I started ranting and raving while asking how could there be seven men for each woman and God give me one! I was amazed that I had allowed my being alone to have such an effect on my relationship with God and everyone around me. I had become the umpy-grumpy single lady. Being alone made me unhappy and I didn’t know how to handle it. Plus, I hadn’t realized how being alone affected my everyday interaction with other people.

One day at work, one of the drivers I was training for the lead team program walked into my office to ask some questions about the program and how it worked. I remember that I responded to him rather sharply and abruptly saying, “You can go to the website and read the instructions there!” I was hoping that my quick response would make him hurry along and get out of my office. As the driver started heading toward the door to leave my office, my boss turned to me and said, “Is there anything going on you would like to discuss with me. I’ve never seen you respond to a driver in that manner.” Soon after she made that statement, I recalled how prior to being single I was friendly and pleasant person. In fact, people were drawn to me as if I were honey, but now they were running away from me as if I were a bee trying to sting them. I and everyone else could see that something was going totally wrong with me.

When people are single for a number of years and have become accustomed to spending time alone, they may find it easy to slip into the habit of believing that every person around them will understand or be able to relate to their fits of anger. While many singles can relate to the frustrations of being alone, not everyone can understand how they feeling unless they are told.

As a single woman who wanted to be married, I started asking God some questions: How could you be capable of so many things, but not give me a mate? After all, I was the child of the king! I could have whatever I spoke into existence, right? At least that’s what I was taught and I believed. I was running around naming and claiming it…but to no avail.

Then, I starred asking myself, should I trust God to give me a husband? Is marriage something God has in mind for me? Does God even care how difficult the single lifestyle can be? As a single woman who was frustrated, I realized these were tough questions, but I simply needed answers.

From those questions and experiences, I knew that I needed to look deeper for answers, so I started to search the Scriptures to see what God had to say about marriage.

As it turned out, I found answers in a couple of places. In Genesis 2:18, 21-22 it is stated, “And the Lord God said, it is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a companion who will help him’…So the LORD God caused Adam to fall into a deep sleep. He took one of Adam’s ribs and closed up the place from which he had taken it. Then the LORD God made a woman from the rib and brought her to Adam.”

It was great news. God has designed marriage. Actually, in Hebrew it was said: She is me! She shall be called Ishah because she was taken out of Ish Gen. 2:21-23 – as a single woman, desiring to be married God created a way for Adam so we must take heart that God will create a way for me to be a companion to my husband.

Then the question I about whether God cares about how difficult it is to be single is actually answered in Peter 5:7. God teaches us to give all our worries over him because he cares about what happens to us. Simply put, I learned to talk to God about the struggle of being single while waiting for Mr. Right.

Finally, I wanted to know does God have plans for my future life as a wife? The answer, simply put, is ABSOLUTELY! Does God have plans for your life as a wife? Personally, I take comfort in knowing that God is a master creator and that he is creating the perfect mate for me this very moment. As a result, I have learned to wait on the Lord and to have courage during this time while allowing God to strengthen my heart. I know that he will do the same for you!

While waiting, single women should:

1. Get out more on a regular basis and share good times and laughter with friends and family members. Unless this level of social interaction occurs on a consistent basis, frustration may develop, making living single more difficult.
2. Singles should take the time to look for opportunities to participate in extracurricular activities.
3. Work on building friendships.
4. Find a support system that involves other singles who can relate to you.
5. By all means, travel so that you can overcome the feelings of loneliness.
6. And last but not least, get out there. Sitting at home in your PJs will get you nowhere. Remember, singleness isn’t a curse. It could actually be a blessing in disguise. So, while you’re waiting for God to provide a mate for you, learn to enjoy every moment of your single life.

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