You Are Not Alone: 5 Common Frustrations Of Single Black Women


woman on cell phoneManeuvering the dating scene as a grown woman can come with any number of frustrations. I’ve listed five of the most common and how to turn the tables. Trust me, you are not alone!

1. Feeling like men have the upper hand

Do you feel like you are always competing because there are so many more options out there for Black men seeking Black women versus the other way around? This is possibly one of the biggest complaints many Black women have, some of which is truly out of your control.

What you can do is try and work on your perspective. Figure out what your best qualities are and work to really let those shine through. It will not only build your confidence, it will make you stand out amongst the large pool of women.

2. Where do the singles mingle?

Once you hit a particular point in your life the club and bar scene can become too cumbersome to partake in on the regular. So where do you go to find eligible men? A lot of women complain that if they aren’t willing to go to the club, they have a difficult time finding single Black men.

Why not try some themed gatherings through your local organizations like church, sorority/fraternity, and charities for example. These offer great themed activities where you can meet people with similar interests that are single. Activities such as ski trips, cruises, game nights and conferences are just a few ideas that can put you in the right place at the right time to meet Mr. Right.

3. No one wants a real commitment

How often do you hear a woman complaining that she doesn’t understand where her relationship is headed? It’s as if many woman have grown to expect to have to weather through what I deem the “grey area period”. I think we sell ourselves too short on this issue too often. There is nothing wrong with setting the tone and your expectations early on; you just have to do it in a way that doesn’t come across demanding.

If you are seeking a serious relationship, let that be known in the beginning. More often than not, when you let a man know upfront what you are looking for those that aren’t in the position to or aren’t interested in meeting those needs will cancel themselves out. The other side of this is we need to listen to a man when he tells us early on what he is looking for as well. Women have a tendency to convince ourselves that though a man says he is just seeking something casual, we can change his mind. Don’t allow yourself to get caught on that train to disappointment.

4. Surrounded by dysfunctional relationships

Feel like everyone around you in a relationship is in an unhealthy one? That wouldn’t be surprising if it is true. There are more than a few people in piss poor relationships. It seems like nowadays there are more relationships built on insecurities, complacency and dependence than there are one built on respect, friendship and love.

The caveat to this is, if you have been around these types of relationships long enough, then you hopefully have forgone picking up the bad habits and pin pointed what you DON’T want your next relationship to look like.  What’s even better is that you should easily be able to identify a healthy relationship to aspire to have because it will stick out like a sore thumb.

There is nothing more refreshing once you are in a good relationship than to have other strong healthy relationships around you to have added support and as a constant reminder of how important it is.

5. I’m told I look intimidating and unapproachable

I have heard this so many times from so many women. I have even been victim of this statement. I think many women find this to be a compliment at some point, as if it makes them feel superior and their beauty is so breathtaking it makes men too afraid to come over and speak. This nonsense has got to stop! I hate to break it to you, but if you have been told this before, it’s likely not your beauty that is intimidating men, it’s your energy. The attitude you are projecting across the room.

Try wearing a smile more often. Smiling can make you feel better, but also look better! Guys get rejected a lot, so the last thing they want to do is try and approach a woman that looks disinterested in being approached.


Naomi MacKenzieBeauty and hair maven Naomi Mackenzie is a freelance writer and business consultant. Her passion is to continuously keep up with the ever-evolving techniques and topics as it relates to skin and hair, while helping others to embrace their own definition of beauty in a healthy way. Her blog, KissTheChaos (, shares both an educated and personal perspective, seeking to spark ongoing discussion. Follow her on Instagram at @oOolala_laa and on Facebook.


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